I know that feeling. Of hopelessness. Someone I hold dear got sick, was rushed to the ICU. We are in different countries. All I received were pictures of my beloved in a hospital bed. With all those tubes. I relived a horror. A horror I have been keeping at bay. But relive it every single year nonetheless. And all I can do is wait for an update. What have the doctors said? What was, is the diagnosis? What the hell is happening? I know that worrying will not be beneficial. I have successfully tucked it away. Yet it lurks in the back of my mind. At least it does not get the spotlight. I want to be there. To embrace my beloved. To contribute somehow through my presence.